A Nigerian Facebook user, Adeleke Rachel Tioluwani has reportedly dedicated suicide 11 months after writing about “depression and suicide”.
Friends who took to social media to mourn the deceased, disclosed that she was dealing with a number of challenges which pushed her into depression and suicide.
It was gathered that earlier than her demise, “Tioluwani who was in psychological pain and had no father-figure in her life, was practically nursing and taking care of her mum, self-sponsoring her schooling with virtually no assistance from anywhere.”
At the peak of my intense ache and disappointment yesterday, I snapped, and began feeling a way of errie calmness ensuing from resignation about Tolu’s demise. I’m nonetheless hoping it is a dangerous joke although, and she got here would come to say that is her personal model of April Fool. But additionally, I hope with this put up, I’d be capable to exorcise all of the pains I’m feeling and dwell on comfortable recollections I’ve of her.
Tolu had at all times been an enigma, and regardless of our relationship from simply final yr, we did not even meet for as soon as. She approached me for mentorship for fiction writing, and I informed her she did not want my assist since she was already so good in expressing herself via written poems. She had methods with phrases, and she was meant for greatness with an imaginative thoughts that might rival anybody’s.
We began working collectively ultimately, turning into maybe the primary official member of FictionWrit Magazine. However, few weeks into working along with her, I realised she was troubled. At first, I believed it was monetary after speaking along with her, and I informed her I might be sending repairs cash to her when she defined her subject with education. She rejected that, and I needed to persuade her that I’d be paying for her writings as a substitute. That appeared acceptable along with her, and we proceeded.
Weeks later, she had one other subject. She was having points along with her boss, the founding father of a author neighborhood. It was a messy affair, and in my makes an attempt to assist her resolve it, I realised she was a ticking time bomb, strolling throughout eggs all her life. She was nonetheless very secretive, refusing to open up fully, however she let me in sufficient to catch a glimpse of the hell she was going via. At that younger age of hers, she was going via what she should not be going via. With no father determine in her life, and she virtually nursing/taking good care of her mum, self-sponsoring her education with just about no help from anyplace, she was in perpetual psychological ache.
I supplied that she ought to contemplate change of location, and I even supplied her a spot to remain in Ekiti to start out over once more, promising to fund most of her bills. She refused, insisting she could not go away her mum. I supplied different locations for her to remain in Lagos, however for causes I will not expose right here, she nonetheless could not take these supply. We reached an settlement ultimately regarding work, funding and deal with points.
Few months into that settlement, she disappeared fully. Her cellphone was off, she wasn’t responding to her WhatsApp, and her Facebook was deactivated. I grew to become exasperated after attempting a lot, fearing the more serious and hoping for the most effective. After some time, I gave up. Late final yr, she received throughout to me briefly to inform me she was okay, however earlier than I may received a maintain of her once more, she disappeared. And I let her be once more, hoping she would get again to me when she is okay.
I went via her partitions final week, and I used to be shocked with the darkish phrases there. Her writings have at all times, at all times carried a darkish theme, as I had inspired her to pour her feelings on paper via her ink as most of us writers do after we are going via onerous instances. This was completely different although. On reaching her WhatsApp standing, I noticed different ones, so I received throughout, realizing she was again on WhatsApp.
Our dialog revolved round coming again to writing and continuation of her training, having concluded OND final yr. I informed her we should always contemplate her crossing to a level program due to the issue with HND. We fell proper again into clean dialog, and she promised to even began writing, to get again to me on a suggestion I gave her. I believed she was over the worst, however I used to be so careless I could not see past that particular goodnight she despatched me.
I’m hurting proper now probably not due to her demise, however as a result of even until her last moments, she can be stuffed with optimism. She was vigorous. Of course, individuals are saying that is the same old method suicidal folks act, however I nonetheless cannot swallow that idea. She was a fighter, an unimaginable bullish one regarding life. She was a candy one.
If she is actually lifeless, then I morn for an irreplaceble loss to this world. She is at peace proper now. I want she had completed it in a different way, however I can not seem to assist her change her thoughts. That hurts too. Because this sense of not doing sufficient to save lots of her nonetheless lingers..
I will not dwell on her demise anymore. She had touched the lives of these she may and concluded her half. The comfortable recollections are few as a result of she was at all times in that darkish gap that I needed to be pulling her out each time. But these few recollections are price holding on to.
May she discover the peace that eluded her right here on the opposite aspect.
Once once more Tolu, “Be good, Good night.”
We started and we agreed we might write about each sweetness and each bitterness. Writing eases the ache so we might at all times write and let it out.
I’d fondly say that in the event you turned to ink, I’d write you dry and you’d tease the identical. You are simple to fall in love with, candy and completely different.
Seemingly calm with a dazing smile however silently carries lots of fear on her shoulders.
You know these metaphors and puns you dish that made me query if I used to be actually a poet. Your craftiness with the pen is admirable and right here I’m questioning why Tolu, why you could not simply use your reward to beat depression.
Nothing dey this life wey you no match inform me
In December 2018, I misplaced Aisha to depression and suicide. I keep in mind the way you comforted me and informed me all might be nicely. A yr and 4 months down that highway Richie, you took that very same path.
You stated you had it coated and sucked it is clits however 1 yr later, you let it do the identical
See, ko da ooooooooo. Olorun’gbo, ko da.
Leaving me in pool of tears realizing I’d by no means set my eyes in your magnificence once more.
Richie for fucks sake, you prime your class in OND. Your classmate whom I do know speaks extremely of you and how loopy you might be together with your lecturers. Yes, life has been onerous however we may have stored combating.
Dee, loves you want her personal daughter. I like you too
You see, I by no means informed you and I’m so ashamed of myself proper now however perhaps your spirit can be lurking round someplace your Facebook studying, YOU INSPIRE ME, YES MY LOVE, YOU SOOOOO INSPIRE ME
I like you Adeleke Rachel Tioluwani. Maybe by day break somebody will inform me that is some kind of joke however for now, please relaxation in peace as a result of I’m already in shattered items.